Teflon coating makes pots and pans easy to clean, just wipe with a damp cloth and burnt bacon bits slide right off. For many years Trump has worn a Teflon coat and pants that cause accusations and charges of common crimes and treason to slide right off. Sadly, even billionaire ex-Presidents shrink in height and grow in girth as they age, and even Teflon coats and pants grow thin at the elbows, knees, and butt. Trump’s Teflon tailors have had to let out the pants at the waist and butt and the jacket at the back. Possibly they did not have to take the pant-legs up because, as rumored, Trump resorts to lifts in his shoes.
COMMON CRIMES
Due to wear and tear of the Teflon suit and growth in girth of the wearer, a few of the common crimes committed by Trump have stuck despite his furious attempts to wipe them away. He was convicted in a civil trial of doing what he bragged about in an infamous video: grabbing a woman by the pussy. The braggadocio was not just idle or locker-room talk, as he claimed when the video was released. He actually sexually assaulted a woman in the dressing room of an upscale clothing store and then slandered the woman when she accused him. Too traumatized and humiliated by the assault, the woman did not press charges for years. The statute of limitations protected him from criminal charges that could have resulted in many years in prison, but he was found guilty of sexual assault by a jury in civil proceedings and ordered to pay many millions of dollars to the victim for slandering her. He was then ordered to pay many millions more after he continued to defame the woman he was found guilty of assaulting and slandering.
He was found guilty by another jury in another civil proceeding for defrauding the state of New York. One of those frauds was lying about the size of his penthouse (size seems to be an obsession with him). He was ordered to pay the state of New York many millions.
Most recently he was convicted of 34 felonies for falsifying documents in order to cover up a hush-
money payment to a porn star and deducting it as a business expense during a political campaign. Not a violent crime, not like sexually assaulting a woman in the dressing room of a clothing store, more of a peccadillo for which the MAGA types, especially the INCEL wing, whose manly men only (often?) fantasize in their dearest dreams about dallying with a porn-star. The falsifying documents part made the peccadillo rise to the level of felonies. Another former President, Nixon, also learned the hard way that the cover-up can be worse than the crime. We are awaiting sentencing in that case (Trump’s, not Nixon’s). Probably another fine of many millions more, but it would be too delicious if he were ordered to perform community service, which, according to his belief system, is for suckers and losers.
TREASON
Despite the worn spots and small tears in the shabby old Teflon suit it has held up against treason charges, thus far, thanks to the efforts of the Teflon tailors and seamstress. But they have to work with the limited material in the old suit, and I like to think that although they let out the pants as much as possible, they warned Trump not to bend over in public.
Most Americans over the age of, say, 21 have seen videos of the J6 (the term favored by the insurrectionists) insurrection, including Trump’s speech exhorting the crowd to “Fight like hell” or “you won’t have a country.” A bipartisan House Committee (two Republicans served on the committee but have since been excommunicated from the party for their apostasy) unanimously found Trump guilty and referred the case to the Department of Justice, which appointed a Special Counsel who filed charges against Trump. The House then impeached Trump, but the Republican senators circled their wobbly wagons. However, the Special Counsel filed numerous charges against Trump. While not using the T word (Treason) or even the I word (Insurrection) in the charges, he did avail himself of an abundance of good words, including “prolific lies” and “Dishonesty, Fraud, and Deceit,” and the charges state that Trump put more effort into various conspiracies to interfere with the legitimate functions of the government than he ever did in governing when he was President. Well, they don’t precisely state that, but I do.
Several states have not shied away from using the I word. Colorado and Maine, citing the 14th Amendment, went the distance and ruled that because Trump incited an insurrection he, like Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee, was ineligible for any public office. The Supreme Courts of both states upheld. Trump appealed to his tailors on the federal Supreme Court, not arguing that he was innocent of treason, but that as President the 14th Amendment did not apply to him. The conservative originalists on our Supreme Court agreed, originating a rule that Congress had to act on the matter. Had they been on the court in 1868, Jeff D., could have run for President of all the states and R. E. Lee could have become the Secretary of Defense. Trump’s tailors did not rule whether Trump was innocent or guilty of the crime of treason and the charges slipped off his hastily mended Teflon coat. When poor people or people of color get off on technicalities those of a conservative and white bent exercise their outrage glands. When a technicality easily cleansed those clinging charges from the Teflon Traitor’s suit, the conservatives applauded as enthusiastically as any fired-up congregation performing a call and response.
After two grand juries recommended indictment of the Teflon Traitor, the District Attorney of Atlanta filed numerous charges against Trump and numerous co-conspirators for their efforts to overturn the election results in Georgia. Instead of charging them with treason, she has charged them with racketeering and conspiracy due to their widespread efforts, including the use of fake electors, to overturn the election. Trump and his platoon of attorneys, falling back on their usual distraction technique, have attacked the DA, embroiling her in several controversies, and thus far delayed any trial.
Most Americans over the age of, say, 12 have seen the photographs of the boxes upon boxes of documents concealed at Mar-a-Lago, especially those in the bathroom with the opulent chandelier, which only a 12-year-old could find esthetically pleasing. And let’s not forget all the boxes upon boxes in the storeroom guarded by a copy machine. Photographs are worth thousands of words in a charging document, but the local Teflon seamstress who has a side gig as a federal judge has done her best to patch over the numerous worn spots in the butt of the Teflon suit.
All of which begs the question of what the hell Teflon Trump wanted with all those documents and why he fought to keep them, and even lied about having them? And got his attorney and staff to lie. It’s not as if Trump were a compulsive reader. He is not known to have a working relationship with books, although he did once hold up a Bible, up-side down, at a news conference. Not your average 12-year-old, but, say, those daring few over 21 who pay attention to the news, have seen reports that, when President, Trump could not be bothered to read the daily briefings and intelligence reports, usually shuffling them off to V.P. Pence. If he didn’t want to read the documents when he was President, why are they so dear to him now? Is it then that Trump is simply a hoarder, like some of the elderly, childless cat ladies of V.P. Candidate Vance fame who can’t bear to throw away old New Yorkers until they can no longer cram a copy machine into their bathrooms.
If Teflon Trump has a defensible reason for stocking his bathroom, ballroom, store room, and bedroom with classified documents (and a copy machine), he has yet to share that defense with the public. Instead, he lied about having them, then lied about the number, then lied that he had given them all back—suborning perjury in the process—all of which gives us license to speculate.
Speculation number 1 (my favorite): He was a good President but corrupted by the nearness of powerful documents and now cannot bear to be apart from them. Perhaps like Gollum he caresses them in the bathroom and calls them “My Precious?”
Speculation number 2 (less visually pleasing but more in touch with reality): Businessman Trump made a business of selling copies of those documents.
Stealing classified documents is a form of treason as is selling them or even gratuitously sharing them with friends or hostile parties, say, Trump’s good buddy Putin, for instance. In the documents case Trump was charged under the Espionage Act but his local seamstress delayed and delayed the case and finally threw it out, writing that Special Counsels have to be appointed by Congress (based on a tip from that most eminent legal scholar and pubic-hair-on-coke-cans-inspector, Clarence Thomas.) The Special Counsel has appealed that ruling. Meanwhile, the Supreme Teflon Tailors’ presidential immunity ruling sews a gigantic patch, one nearly big enough to cover the entire butt, over the hastily sewn small patches. Not wanting to look completely ridiculous they did blink when it came to the possibility of ordering military assassins to kill a political rival. Perhaps they were afraid that Biden would order the assassination of their Precious boy.
All of which means that it appears inevitable that the expanded and mended Teflon suit will hold until after the presidential elections. Only those under, say, 12 cannot imagine what will happen to all those charges if he wins the election. If he loses, he might well hop on Trump Force One and head for Moscow to re-ignite his bromance with Putin.
Trump’s defenders may argue that as a wealthy man he would have to reason to try to make a buck selling classified documents and it is unreasonable to assume that he did. That this is a specious argument will be readily proved by the briefest review of the Trumpian record. The following few examples are not in chronological order.
SCAMS: Trump University; the Donald J. Trump Foundation; numerous bankruptcies; numerous fund-raising pleas; see also Hardy v. Kaszycki.
GRIFTS: Trump Coins; Trump Watches; Trump Ties; Trump Bibles; Trump Digital Trading Cards; Trump Steaks; all of which can be purchased from the Official Trump Campaign Store, with the possible exception of Trump Steaks, which might be better placed under SCAMS.
No product is too tacky for the Trumpian taste. Why not Trump Classified Records?
Any partially opened mind, any person half-way honest with herself, would realize that Trump, who did not divest himself when assuming the Presidency, does not miss an opportunity to make a buck. Trump Hotel even overcharged his own Inaugural Committee because he wanted to make (many more than) a few bucks upon entering the White House. Why not make a buck after leaving? Why not add Classified Documents to his grift? And to say that he would never betray our country, is to ignore J6.
“Why” is the question. We know he took the documents. We’ve seen the photos. He initially returned 15 boxes of documents when requested to do so. Did he first make copies? Why else were so many documents stored with a copy machine. Then the FBI search found more than 13,000 documents in, by my count from photos, more than 100 boxes in the bathroom, ballroom, and storeroom, and later even more in the bedroom. They also found 48 folders marked classified that were completely empty. Why did he take the documents, why did he lie about them, why did he say he returned them all?
It is a matter of great pride that in the United States all accused persons have the right to their day in court. The Teflon Traitor and his battalions of attorneys appear to be directing all their efforts to prevent that from happening. In this they are aided by numerous Teflon tailors, seamstresses, Congresspersons, governors, and just about everyone in the Republican Party. They have all closed ranks to protect this Teflon Traitor, either actively voicing their support or by their silence. MLK Jr. said, “There comes a time when silence is betrayal”. All of which brings up an interesting legal and ethical point. If Trump was selling access to classified documents, are these people co-conspirators or accessories? According to federal law it is a felony for anyone who owes allegiance to the U.S. and knows of the commission of any treason to conceal it or not tell authorities. They all saw the photos. They all heard the lies. Why do they protect him? On J6 and the day after even Republican Congresspersons were upset with Trump and might even have uttered the words “insurrection” or “coup.” Why did they so quickly try to erase J6 from the historical record, turn it into just another ho-hum day at the Capitol with the usual large number of peaceful tourists? On J9 (my term for June 9, 2023, the day the photos of the classified documents were published) some Republicans kinda sorta feebly distanced themselves from Trump, but in the following days they fell back into line. “Why,” again, is the question. Why do they protect him? In their heart of hearts (“in the deepest, most intimate, and most honest part of one’s feelings or beliefs,” according to the Free Dictionary) these Republicans, Congresspersons, and judges know that Trump instigated a failed coup and subsequently illegally took classified documents from the White House. They’ve seen the videos. They’ve seen the photos. Some actually fled for their lives from the insurrectionists who assaulted the Capitol. They know that Trump is a traitor. But he’s also the most powerful member of their party–they surrendered the power to him–a Wizard of Oz hiding behind a curtain they put up to screen him from charges of treason because they are afraid that if he goes down they go with him. If Trump goes down, the Republican Party might also go down and they might get thrown out of office, losing their cushy, prestigious, and powerful positions. They place party and their own positions above country.
They will never be charged or tried, but they are guilty of aiding a traitor. They owe allegiance to the United States and know of the commission of treason, yet attempt to conceal it and fail to tell the authorities. They protect Trump and their own personal defense mechanisms protect them.
Confessions of a 77-year-old white man 