Confession: While I have had some experience as a book critic, this is my virginal voyage as a tweet critic, and, while I’m in the confessional mode, I suppose I should be up front and confess to a certain envy of Donald John Trump’s success as an author. There is no denying that DJT is a popular and well-remunerated author, exceedingly well remunerated. Despite my envy, I offer my criticism in a constructive and fraternal spirit, unlike the Fake News Media with their numerous and unnecessarily cruel criticisms.
Both the FNM with their cutting jabs and the Vulpine News Networks with their defensive ripostes have sadly misunderstood the belles-lettres of DJT because they allow their emotions and political prejudices to dictate their responses. To properly dissect the literary corpus of DJT, we must first define it. When the Washington Post, for example, smugly lists 30,573 lies that DJT told during his term as President, I feel certain that some arrogant WAPO correspondents see that as a damning criticism, but what they fail to realize is the obvious fact that the literary oeuvre of DJT lies in the realm of fiction with forays into fantasy.
If one but takes a dispassionate, academic approach to DJT’s published works and recorded statements (as well as actions), one must surely conclude that he is engaged in a great definitive work, possibly to be ready for the opening of his presidential library. Too shy to reveal his great secret, he leaves us to speculate. Will it be an anthology of his greatest tweets? I sometimes think it will it be THE Great American Novel, perhaps a war novel. Another War and Peace, or All Quiet on the Western Front? I lean more toward Faulkner’s A Fable because of the inevitable fantasy element. In any event, I’m predicting a war novel because DJT is a self-acknowledged expert on military strategy. Who can forget that he is smarter than all our generals?
Other times, I strongly suspect that it will be a work of science fiction/fantasy, on the order of The Matrix, in which the facts are in constant flux, and his comments about the Mar-a-Lago document scandal serve as an hors d’oeuvre: there were no documents; all the documents had been returned; someone else packed the boxes; the documents were mostly clippings and doodles; the important documents were planted by the FBI; he wanted to keep the classified documents in a safe place; he declassified the documents using his powerful brain waves; and, of course, he wants his documents back (possibly to be prominently placed in the presidential library?).
The penultimate comment segued into further indication that DJT is working on a science fantasy project: he declassified all the documents by thinking it. Let’s think about that. According to our evil Department of Justice, some classified documents are still missing. Given that he has an extraordinarily powerful mind, who among us could claim surprise upon learning that DJT, adept at psychokinesis, had moved those missing documents to an even safer location using only his mind?
Can there be doubt that DJT’s definitive work will, be it fiction, science fiction, or fantasy, surpass that of America’s premier humorist, Mark Twain. Poor MT, on his best days, could not compete with DJT’s suggestion that brutal North Korean dictator Kim have a firing squad deal with his barber (this from a man who coiffure comes straight from the realm of fantasy). Or what about his helpful comments to V. Putin about comb-overs?
Detractors may criticize DJT for his many spelling and grammatical errors. At worst these are mere literary peccadillos, not sins, but they are indicative of a greater sin. His pronouncement from on high, that he is a very stable genius, confirms the diagnosis. Hubris, arrogance, pride, call it what you will, he does not read what he wrote and is too stubborn or cheap to get an editor. Gloating that his political enemies couldn’t find the smocking gun? Come on! A simple edit would have given us a powerful image instead of a Three Stooges scene. Or when he talks about the very sole of our nation depending upon stopping the stolen election, we want to be careful not to step in something unpleasant rather than boldly march into action.
At the same time, we critics must beware of our own ignorance or gullibility. We ridicule him when he says, “Promote the possibility of lasting peach,” or “Sometimes protest is needed in order to heel, and heel we will.” Yet, I suspect that DJT deliberately throws in these errors to satisfy his own sly sense of humor. After all, when he misspelled the name of the British Prime Minister three times in a tweet, writing Teresa May, the name of a porn star, it should be obvious that he was merely tweet tweaking the PM with some private joke between them. Or, considering his penchant for porn stars, he merely indulged in a bit of nostalgia. And when he tantalized us with his famous covfefe tweet, he later tweet-challenged us with, “Who can figure out the true meaning of ‘covfefe’ ??? Enjoy!”
I am of two minds re the covfefe allusion. I applaud DJT for his inventiveness, just as I and millions of readers applauded the creativity of two popular novelists in the 1960’s. However, Mr. Heinlein and Mr. Vonnegut made clear to their readers the meaning of their fantastic words, which then made their way into the lexicon for some years. But no member of the granfalloon of DJT’s disciples can grok the meaning of covfefe, let alone use it in a sentence.
I give DJT credit for his Hemingwayesque use of short, punchy, declarative sentences, a style designed to capture and maintain the attention of his fans. He also blusters and bullies and lets loose more than a few Alpha Male howls at the Twitterverse moon a la Hemingway, again a style most appealing to his Beta and Delta Male followers. Where EMH was an unapologetic big game hunter who always stood by his guns when attacking, when DJT takes aim at some big or even little game he makes sure to have a retreat route ready. This is the coward’s way. And COWARDICE is his greatest literary sin. When the true Alpha Male attacks a public figure, he does not prepare his retreat by hiding behind catchphrases: People say; Many people say; A lot of people think; or I’m just retweeting someone else’s opinion: Obama is sympathetic to Muslim terrorists; The Clintons murdered Vince Foster. If DJT’s shot goes wide of the mark or ricochets back he retreats, he runs for cover, he claims innocence and says that he didn’t say what he is accused of saying but was only repeating/retweeting what (imaginary) others said. He might retreat so far as to say that he doesn’t really know anything about it while innocently wondering why (imaginary) people are saying it. His is often a controlled retreat, and when he hides behind the pusillanimous excuse that he’s just repeating what many (invented others) are saying, he howls once more that perhaps they’re right.
Hemingway would not approve.
[Pardon the mixed metaphors. I couldn’t resist. Hemingway would not approve—not of the mixed metaphors—but my begging your pardon.]
Confessions of a 77-year-old white man 